Take My Shoes Off...

I am in my bed- eating almonds. naked.
Typical.
... and I only say "naked," because other than that I am naked- it's the most unattractive form of nakedness.

I am on the computer and the almond crumbs fall on my chest. Upon my bosom. They remain there until I realize I have almond crumbs on my chest at which point... I have to decide: Do a gentle swipe to the ground? Or throw her back in?

........................................
My head is pounding.
........................................

This is the first night I have not had to do anything... or be anywhere.
So, tonight- I chose to have a completely physical relationship with a bag of almonds.
It's very selfish... but I know they want it. They like that stuff.


We had been working so hard-everyday ("We", TEARIST and Don- not "we",me and the almonds). Little to no breaks. Sleeping so little...and on the very last days- this weekend... it kind of became too much. Like, I, genuinely, believed I may have been going insane. The level of everything's weight seemed to be crashing down on me. The decision making. The tiredness. I was depleted of everything- water, vitamins. The stress was all consuming... I had been getting headaches, and I didn't know what to make of them. Anti-social.
Eric came by Joe's (Cardamone) studio when we were mixing and this was the one time I felt like I remembered how to speak or who I was before all this had started...
And by that I mean... I pulled my dad's socks that I was wearing so that they were longer than my feet and I pretended they were swans dancing on Eric's leg.

Then, after we worked for the final 10 hours on Sunday... I couldn't move or speak. I felt completely paralyzed. I couldn't form sentences at all, and I began to faint at Von's. I do NOT want to faint at Von's! I love that place! It's like a second home. I'm seriously there at that Von's on Sunset and Virgil almost every night at like 2AM. It's a sickness. The security guard knows me by name and asks me about my shows. Once he asked Will "How you gonna be in TEARIST if you ain't got nothin torn on?" - to which we replied "touché"... and realized this man had just conceptualized our band for us. This is the honest to god truth. So, Von's rules... and fuck a faint job at Von's...
On top of that- I could barely see. Like losing vision in either eye at different times. It was at this moment that I assumed I had just truly gone crazy. I had heard of it happening- and I just thought "Ok. So, now, I guess... I have just actually lost my mind. I am seeing it and that's what's happening and it's fine b/c I was making music and now I will be crazy and making music. I accept it. I'm fine with that."
Then, I drank a bunch of water and ate food that hurt my stomach and forgot there was an issue.

Today... I woke up with a crazy headache and finally read about migraines.
(Do Christian fanatics believe that God made Wikipedia? Because I do. He types it with his little baby hands.)

So, there it was. I was hallucinating as a symptom of this one type of migraine. It's a real thing. And good to fucking know. I was ready to be a crazy music casualty and about to label myself an unsung hero for the arts.

...

So,
I am here in my bed... bosom buddies with an almond.
Naked.
With a migraine.